Wednesday, March 22, 2006

 

86ed!!!


What is the significance of being 86ed you must be wondering? This is actually a term that’s used in the service industry for when someone is thrown out of a particular establishment like a bar or restaurant. Now I pride myself on being on good behavior at all times… every now and then I might get a little wild but who doesn’t? For the most party every time I have 86ed I have been wrongfully accused of something, and there is nothing worse than being wrongfully accused.

First time I can remember was at the Cala Foods in Nob Hill. It was way back, I was probably 20 and I was doing some late night shopping with one of my hags. Granted, I had probably taken too many puffs on my pipe before hitting the supermarket but that had nothing to do with me getting thrown out. So I live in Nob Hill around lots of chinese, and the chinese do love their catfish. So they had live catfish in a big tank by the front door and fresh fish section. Upon entering the store I noticed the fish tank and there was one giant catfish in the tank. Now I quite enjoy all animals so I stopped to look at the fish for a second, they are all gods creatures too. The first thing I notice is this catfish is wild… its so wild and crazy it looks like its about to jump out of the tank. Being the caring human that I am, I notify the brainless security guard that the fish is about to jump. He just blows me off, tells me that the fish is not going to jump. I continue with my shopping, and while waiting for my hag to finish I go back to checking out the fish. What else am I going to do just waiting at the door? Sure enough the fish jumps out on the tank and is flapping around on the floor in a puddle in front of me. I am so startled that this fish jumped at me I let out this horrid scream. Of course the security guy comes running over and sees me and the wild catfish…I could not have looked more red handed. But there was almost nothing I could say. He just grabbed me by the arm and threw me out the front door… saying that I could never come back in there again. It was official, I had been thrown out of the supermarket… How tragic!

A few years later a buddy of mine are down at Jazz Fest in New Orleans… it was late, we were very drunk (who can blame me for being drunk in the big easy? They practically force booze down your throat) and we wanted a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat with a side of fries. Adam and I hop into this little late night corner diner and grab two spots at the counter. There is a black man in this cute little apron and chef hat cooking on the grill. We sit and wait patiently for service for quite some time… so we try to get someones attention. This chef man starts giving us very evil looks and all of the sudden he just grabbs some raw ground beef and just throws it at us. He looked like he wanted to chop us up with his metal spatula and have us for dinner. Then he just yells GET OUT! We were so scared we just ran. I have not a clue why this happened, but again, wrongfull accused!! I just wiped off the fatty beef and found another place to eat.

Back in the Big Easy a few years later for Halloween fun. Pavel and I get thrown out of a restaurant by a man dressed as a nun during lunch time. So maybe we were a little trashed even at noon, but we didn’t do anything wrong. A few hours later feeling fed up with being wrongfully accused and twice as drunk … I decide we should go back for dinner and give that nun a visit. Hello, nuns are supposed to be a symbol of love and peace. The nun was not very happy to see us ( big surprise there ) and yelled again for us to get out. Rather than just give in to this rude behavior and bad service we just sat down, and told that nun we wouldn’t leave until he served us. We had to yell our orders a across the room for him to listen but he finally did.

Listen up folks… if you ever get 86ed, don’t give in. Stand up for your right to dine and shop! Since the catfish incident I have returned to the Cala Foods with dignaty and the manager just loves me. Who wouldnt like to see me with my naturally blonde hair and whitened teeth? My next stop is going to be back in New Orleans to pay that nun a visit and get a burger at the corner diner.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

 

Viral Marketing and Skivvies

For those of you who may not know, I work in advertising. And for anyone no matter what field you're in market research is part of your job. Today someone sent me The Cleaning Hunk. This is one of the best examples of viral marketing I have seen in quite some time. This delicious hunk of a man strips down to his skivvies to clean for some tired looking house wife and it's linked to a contest to win free house cleaning for a year. Brilliant! Since I haven't cleaned my own house myself in years I have no idea if this product really does exist or it’s just a phony to create this great advertisement. Real or not, market research today couldn't have been more fun!

http://www.cleaninghunk.com/

 

Cell Phones and Karma

I lost my cel phone at Miami Airport last week. Now I know you all are wondering how I lost it… and you know there is always a good story attached to whatever situation I wind up in. So I was in South Beach over the weekend for the annual Winterparty. Since I was at Crobar until six am on Monday morning and continued to enjoy a champagne brunch on sunny Lincoln Road before departing back to rainy San Francisco we were completely late for our flight. My travel partner was not on my flight and needed to fly standby. Since we arrived at the airport when the plane was already boarding he wasn’t exactly the first name the standby list, we decide to use my neck brace situation to our advantage. So I pretend I can hardly walk or speak and Pavel demands a wheel chair and explains that he needs to fly with me in order to help me due to my condition. We are rushed to the front of the security check line and helped through all that hassle. Since I can hardly move, I didn’t put any of my bags through the scanner myself and am almost positive my phone fell out of the side pocket in the process. Rolling up to the gate we find a handful of people waiting standby to board for a full flight, he explains that its very important he travels with me due to my condition and they put him first on the list, waived the fee and rearranged the passengers so we could sit together. Our little plan did work but I lost my phone in the process. Karma is a bitch!

The flight attendant asked me when I got on board if I needed a wheelchair when I arrived in San Francisco, I just smiled and said: “No, I’m really not that injured, we just needed to make our flight.”

Long live the rights of the handicapped!

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