Oh no she better don't!

I swear this kind of shit only happens to me. I might as well share as it was probably the highlight of my day since I like freaky people so much. Last week I was in Hawaii for my cousins wedding. It was my first time back in Waikiki as an adult and I really enjoyed my trip. On the last day of my trip before heading off to the beach to catch some waves I asked the front desk person to order me a shuttle for later on that evening. Little did I know it was going to be more like Mr. Toads Wild Ride than some malnourished Asian man who drives in circles through Chinatown like what we have here in San Francisco.

It’s about 8:45 and I kiss the old man goodbye who’s been buying me drinks since about 5:30 and head to the front of my hotel to collect my bags and wait for the shuttle. Why on earth did this guy get me hammered if there was no chance to get any action? He knew good and well I was leaving. Oh well, what I can say is that the locals are very nice and thank goodness for him as the drinks down there are not cheep. If it wasn’t for him I very well could have accidentally drank through my shuttle fare. I harass the front desk man to make sure my shuttle is still coming as I have GOT to get back to work in the morning. He assures me its still coming so I just sit and wait.

Moments later an ethnic man in ratty clothes jumps into the lobby and shouts: “Shuttle!” I jump up and say that I need a shuttle, thank goodness they are here. The only thing I thought was strange is that the guy is drinking a Heineken. He manages to pick up both of my bags with out spilling a drop. I chase him out to the van and he yells to get in. Inside there are already these two cute Australian boys also headed to the airport and a man in the front seat who turns out is the drivers friend or something. Both of them (driver and friend) are pounding beers and as soon as we hit the freeway they break out the pipe and start smoking weed. As we speed down the highway weaving through traffic they tell me all kinds of wild tales of their days on the island and offer us cocaine. The Aussie boys are loving this … and I am loving them. As we approach the airport the guy in the front yells out: “My name is Pineapple and this is Crazy! So the next time you need a ride just ask for the Crazy Pineapple! HAHAHAHA!!!”

I jumped out of the van completely drunk and stoned at this point. Crazy gives me a big hug and pretends to put a flower lei around my neck as a sendoff. Pineapple doesn’t have any change to break my 20 for the ride so he just says I don’t need to pay. SWEET! My readers and friends, as usual, I am full of helpful tips and information to carry you through life in grand style. The next time you are in Honolulu and need a ride, just ask for the Crazy Pineapple!