Oh no she better don't!

I swear this kind of stuff only happens to me...However this time it's not luck. This was more like every straight mans dream come true and every gay boys worst nightmare. Let me just start by saying that I am a 'Gold*Star' homosexual, I am proud of it and I plan on keeping it that way.

One of my favorite events each year in San Francisco is the Bay to Breakers. It's a 7 mile run/walk/drink race across the city from the bay side to the ocean. It's actually the largest foot race in the world and has around 100,000 participants. There are lots of serious runners that run out in the front of the pack but there are probably more people in the tail of the race that dress up in costumes, have moving bars and loads of fun antics. It reminds me of a high school classroom, the good students are up in the front row and the bad students are in the back of the room passing notes and trying figure out how to score booze for the weekend. Some things never change...I have always been in the tail of the race wearing a wacky costume (or nothing at all) and concealing my beverage of choice. I usually park my car at the end of the race the night before so I can get home easily as getting stuck with thousands of others trying to get back towards downtown sucks.

This particular year a group of us boys have dressed up as shower girls, we have towels on our bodies, towels wrapped up on our heads, make up and jewelry. Eventually I lost my towels but everyone has already seen my naughty bits anyway and the nude photo shoot in some strange old ladies bathtub was fabulous but these things are not part of the story. By the time we get to the ocean (the end of the race), I seem to have lost all my clothes and all the shower girls except Brian. Naked and in makeup we head out of the park and into the neighborhood where I have left my car. People didn't even bat an eyelash at a naked boy in makeup loose on the streets, San Franciscans have already seen it all, I love this town.

I quickly pop the trunk, put on some shorts, start the car and begin to head back east. As I start driving we are passing packs of people that need ways to get home. I know what you are thinking right now but I don't care... I don't care how drunk I am, really people, there are no cabs, no busses, it sucks! I cant possibly pick up a group of 4 or more so I keep driving eventually I see this girl with her thumb out on one hand and her roadie (drink to go) in the other. I have space for one so I honk and pull over. She jumps in the backseat and tells us how great we are, this is all stuff I know but I let her keep talking... BIG mistake. I kid you not folks, I had not even driven but three city blocks and the conversation went like this:

HH (Horny Hitchhiker): "You guys wouldn't be interested in having a 3-way would you?"
DC10: "Excuse me? Missy, I don't know if you have looked at us since getting in this car but do you see how short these shorts are? And I am wearing make up! We are like gay."
HH: "Really? Well we can still do it... come on, please."
DC10: "Hell no! We really only like men. I am a gold star homo... I've never had sex with girls."
HH: "Well you should try it sometime."
DC10: "No, definitely not... I don't ever want to go there."
HH: "Thats ok then, I just thought I would ask."
DC10: "You know what, people who don't say what they want, don't get what they want. So I'm glad you did. Sorry it's just not my thing."

Then the conversation turned towards more normal topics. She was a waitress at La Barca down in The Marina and invited us to come right away and have margaritas with her. Since I had already had plenty to drink I declined. Brian wasn't interested in having margaritas either as he is a conservative Mormon from Utah, I think he was very shocked and feeling uncomfortable with the 3-way chit chat. After I dropped Brian off I took HH all the way home to The Marina (see how nice I am!) and wished her a good Sunday. I actually really admire that wild woman, there are all kinds of things I want from people everyday in life but am too shy to ask. We could all take a page out of her book...but when you do, just make sure you have that dental dam in your back pocket!