Oh no she better don't!

My cel phone display isn’t quite what it used to be. I accidentally poured whiskey on the phone and mistakenly put it in the freezer...who knew that little Nokia could still make calls frozen solid. The display has never returned to 100%. I also fell asleep in a conference call meeting yesterday. My Persian boss smacked me and said “Get up! You have to do this shit.” What on earth would cause such things? Welcome to a typical weekend in the life of DC10. This weekend was particularly busy as it was a big weekend in the city. The annual Love Parade was on Saturday, the yearly Folsom Street Fair on Sunday and countless parties surrounding each event. Life is not a spectator sport for me so I called up Dr. Feelgood, got my costumes in order and dove right in.

Friday night after work I actually purchased out the lease on my car… so before I get into all coming nonsense please keep in mind that I did at least did something responsible. After a nap (thinking about loans and warrantees is very stressful) I called up my girl Lisa and headed to the Mission for a drink. She has a friend in town from Buenos Aries so we head out to give him a night on the town. Since we are heading out to the Space Cowboys party at DNA Lounge we have dressed up like cowboys and cowgirls. After some dancing, Hot Hezzy shows up and drags us across the street to get rounds of shots from some bartender she calls Big Daddy. After a few rounds from Big Daddy we close the place down, I am drunk and need to go home. Unfortunately I never did get to see why he might be called Big Daddy.

Saturday morning arrives and all my friends are very excited for the Love Parade. It’s a large outdoor electronic music festival, 30-some odd floats head down Market Street through downtown and all stop in the Civic Center for a large dance party for the balance of the afternoon. Costumes and crack are highly encouraged so I did a few bumps and put together a get up that made would make Richard Simmons proud. Vintage 70’s Adidas nutter shorts, tripple T (tight tank top), high tops, a blonde wig, sweatbands on my head and wrists, plus a phanny pack for my mobile Bacardi and Coke bar. I am ready to WORK IT OUT! Tony picks me up and we head over to a pre party for champagne and gossip. After tossing back a few glasses of bubbly my group heads down to the festival. While waiting for Tony to complete his outfit I decide to figure out if anyone would actually pick up a hitchhiking Richard Simmons, so I hike up my shorts even higher and stick out my thumb. After countless smiles, dirty looks (those must be the republicans) and honks someone finally pulls over in an old ass Nissan Sentra with faded paint. She looks like a gypsy from some small town in Humboldt County. Since the festival is only two blocks away I really don’t need a ride…. I was just hoping someone I could call Big Daddy would roll up in a new Benz but it didn’t happen.

After Richard Simmons rowdy appearance at the festival and the rum ran out I headed home for a quick bite and get ready for the nighttime fun. I put on a leather jock strap and small black leather vest and jump in my newly purchased car (no hitchhiking tonight!) and speed across town to pick up my buddy Joe. We are headed to my friend Davids house for a birthday party for Reynald. He’s this crazy Frenchman that I met in the steam room at my gym… our originally meeting didn’t go so well, I called him a freak and he instantly hated me as if I was British. That was years ago and has since then learned to love me. Since this was not a Folsom St Fair related party I was the only one in leather and much less a jock strap. Some people quite enjoyed my bare and tanned butt cheeks and some people not so much. I almost ended the party when I announced I was also wearing a butt plug. AS IF… but what if I really was, a little bit of butt plug never hurt anybody.

After spreading the good view of my ass, Joe, Tony and I head down to Magnitude which is the largest leather party surrounding the Folsom Fair weekend. There must have been 5000 men in leather and other fetish gear enjoying loud music, fisting shows, each others company and ‘special’ moments. At Magnitude I needed to look no further for a big daddy… there were so many to choose from I actually couldn’t pick just one so I headed home with Joe around 5 am as we had a big day on Sunday.

We started out at Brians house before heading to the fair as he lives a block from Folsom Street. Pavel and I enjoyed our typical Sunday morning champagne and discussed the evening’s happenings before hitting the street in my black boots and leather harness. I wasn’t going to wear the leather jock strap two days in a row but it was such a hit I figured why the hell not. In case you don’t know the Folsom Street fair is the largest leather and fetish fair in the world and attracts about 300,000 people from around the world. I’m not much into leather or fetishes but if all those other people can enjoy it at least once a year then so can I and I do. In a quest for cheaper-than-festival-prices-beer Pavel and I wandered into a German restaurant and decided to start some kind of German ho down to their music… some large man with a paddle said I was very bad and needed a spanking. The children eating their wienershnitzel were a little confused by the sight of the spankings but oh well… who brings their kids to such a place!?

That night is a large party at Club 1015, one of the largest dance clubs in the city. More big daddies in leather then I could count… so much fun I actually closed the place down at 4 am. Who knew it could be that late when it was still wall to wall men? This blog entry is getting a little long so I will just leave it at that. Monday was rough, prancing around in daisy dukes or a leather jock strap is so much easier than working. The minute I drift off into a daydream I am so rudely awakened…“Get up! You have to do this shit.”

I am so going to hell and karma is a bitch. During a sunny Saturday afternoon at Burning Man my playa buddy Tony and I head out to The Deep End for some fun and dusty dancing. We dressed up in these cute little white toga costumes, filled up our water bottles, stocked up on some cold beers for the road and jumped on our bikes to ride across the desert to our destination.

At The Deep End there is a particular area of the dance space that we have been hanging out in all week with a bunch of the Pizza Sluts and other gay burners. It’s in front of a platform with a stripper pole and between the stage and DJ. We head on over to that area and there is a girl dressed as a strawberry dancing on the platform, she’s wearing a skin tight red leotard with a sassy green hat that has a sprouty stem top with leaves. The next thing I notice is that she’s got the most perfect camel toe going on that I have ever seen. Now she obviously wasn’t aware of what was going on with her snatch otherwise she probably wouldn’t have put her box at eye level of everyone else. Tony and I decide we need a picture of the camel toe so we get out the camera and aim up her way. She then thinks we are taking photos of her strawberry costume and poses for the camera, little did she know we had really just zoomed in on one small area. Then Tony decides he wants to take photos with the camel toe, he jumps up on the box, explains how he loves her costume, they exchange names and I click away from my toga costume down below. She is thrilled we want to take her photo and says “You guys are the cutest boys here!”

A few hours later we are still carrying on as people do in Black Rock City. I start chatting with some guy, chatting turns to kissing and the next thing you know the both of us have pitched tents right there in the middle of the party in broad daylight. The only problem is my tent pole is actually much larger than my little toga and will not really stay inside my costume no matter how much I try to keep it down or covered. People are grabbing it, making comments about it, even the straight boys were staring. I am completely embarrassed, so embarassed I have turned bright red to make matters even worse.

Moral of the story is…joke about someone’s south of the boarder and north of their garter… soon someone will do the same to you!